Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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