glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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