the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
