When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
porn star boner night. come get it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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