Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize