Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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