Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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