The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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