Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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