my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
