She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just googled if crying burns calories
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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