so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
