the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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