Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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