I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
