adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
