That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
