I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
