You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
