I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
