I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
