You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Randomize
