I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
