It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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