You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
