Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
