Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
