guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
