So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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