K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
