Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
