vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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