guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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