can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
