Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
