Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
