I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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