Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't deserve a penis
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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