I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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