the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
