The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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