I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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