i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
