I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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