I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
