girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
