I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
