Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
