Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
