Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
did i just pee glitter
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
