All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
