i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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