Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize