Pappa wants mamma naked
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
