I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize