I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
