So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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