dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it's great music for shaving your balls
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
