hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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