the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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