I just cut my nipple shaving
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
