my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
