Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
