i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
