I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
