Define "chronic" masturbator.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
