You're my little dorito
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
