i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh god it's open bar.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
