Duck Duck Cougar?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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