good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize