In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
