I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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