Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
