im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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