Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
