He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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