why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
