So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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