my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
