alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
