I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
