so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
