I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
