I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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