but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
