Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
