i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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