I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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