Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
