id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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