come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
