there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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