He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
