I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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