Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
