Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
