wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just cut my nipple shaving
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
