So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize