Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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