So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
