Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
