I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
