More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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